How to talk to women and what to say to them...

[XealotX]

Now here's a man of actual insight and obvious intellectual talent, as opposed to JS's bullshit con game aimed at weak minded losers.

In his book Alan Currie fully expounds upon, among other things, the basic idea that you should never be at a loss for what to say to a woman on approach since the very desire to speak to her means that you already have something you want to say. The problem is simply that you are to fearful to just say it, and moreover to make a conversation of it. In essence be direct!

YouTube link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKBlh4GzI4U

Book on Amazon.com: http://www.direct-method.com/invisionboard/

[Dilbert]

I see two core messages in this video: be confident and be direct.

Confidence is a topic that's been beaten to death in this forum and I think that guys that don't have it usually have a self-esteem issue that needs to be dealt with first.

In regards to being direct, I agree 100% that it's not beneficial to attempt to manipulate or hide your intentions. On the other hand, walking up to a woman that you don't know and saying 'Friday or Saturday night?' does not sound like win. If he can't invest 15 or 20 min in smalltalk at a party, why should she invest an entire evening in him? Smalltalk serves an important social function and you show your attraction during the conversation via eye contact, smiles, body language, and kino. The ability to have only an objective-oriented conversation or none at all is not attractive. This MO ignores the fact that attraction is usually an escalating process and that women expect men to show serious interest by investing some time in them.

People who can't engage in smalltalk often frame themselves as being of superior intellect but, unfortunately, they also don't get it (in more ways than one).

The Tarzan and Jane approach described by the speaker in the video is effectively playing a numbers game, skewed towards minimizing time invested and maximizing number of targets. Sooner or later you'll hit upon someone to whom you're attracted and whose defences are down, but you need very large social circles for this to work.

[Scorpio]

What I gathered from reading a bit about mode one:
*Weeds out women who only want to IW you
*Gathers women that are interested but they can't show it for whatever reason
*Takes women who are openly interested in you
*Gets rid of women that have absolutely no interest in you

[XealotX]

Originally Posted by Dilbert

People who can't engage in smalltalk often frame themselves as being of superior intellect but, unfortunately, they also don't get it (in more ways than one).

The same subtleties of communication that happen with smalltalk also happen with discussions of substance, and arguably to a greater degree of depth and richness. The choice of smalltalk over more substantive conversation is quite simply that smalltalk requires less intellectual bandwidth. In essence smalltalk is the lowest common denominator of casual conversation -- everyone can do it and in fact do it routinely throughout life-- but it still may present difficulty to some in certain contexts mainly out of conflict with strong a preference otherwise.

Originally Posted by Dilbert

The Tarzan and Jane approach described by the speaker in the video is effectively playing a numbers game, skewed towards minimizing time invested and maximizing number of targets. Sooner or later you'll hit upon someone to whom you're attracted and whose defences are down, but you need very large social circles for this to work.

Sorry, but guess again here as well. Firstly I contend that your "Tarzan and Jane" characterization is both unclear and misleading; it summons images of being crudely, and perhaps physically, assertive rather than merely vocally honest and direct within the normal bounds of socially acceptable behavior.

Secondly, the method is no more playing the odds than is already, and quite naturally, the case with you seeking a mate in the first place. I would say that much the purported success of this method comes from the fact that it's what most women want as well; they too are looking for a mate and want to know with as much certainty your particular level of interest.

Originally Posted by Scorpio

What I gathered from reading a bit about mode one:
*Weeds out women who only want to IW you
*Gathers women that are interested but they can't show it for whatever reason
*Takes women who are openly interested in you
*Gets rid of women that have absolutely no interest in you

Exactly! And all without any special special training or stock techniques or polished routines.

[Scorpio]

I'm going ot test this mode one stuff at school. This will be fun.

[Dilbert]

Originally Posted by XealotX

The same subtleties of communication that happen with smalltalk also happen with discussions of substance, and arguably to a greater degree of depth and richness. The choice of smalltalk over more substantive conversation is quite simply that smalltalk requires less intellectual bandwidth. In essence smalltalk is the lowest common denominator of casual conversation -- everyone can do it and in fact do it routinely throughout life-- but it still may present difficulty to some in certain contexts mainly out of conflict with strong a preference otherwise.

This may simply be a matter of what you call smalltalk. Smalltalk in the context of a party, for example, is any topic that is of common interest to both people in which experiences, opinions and perspectives can be shared. It could, for example, be a discussion of travels, musical styles, snowboarding, or even an upcoming election. Nothing life-changing, but not necessarily vapid either. I'd contend that anyone that thinks that smalltalk is a chat about the weather probably hasn't been to too many parties.

Perhaps you define it differently, but I strongly got the impression from the speaker that smalltalk is anything that isn't directly about him getting together with her.

Originally Posted by XealotX

Sorry, but guess again here as well. Firstly I contend that your "Tarzan and Jane" characterization is both unclear and misleading; it summons images of being crudely, and perhaps physically, assertive rather than merely vocally honest and direct within the normal bounds of socially acceptable behavior.

Secondly, the method is no more playing the odds than is already, and quite naturally, the case with you seeking a mate in the first place. I would say that much the purported success of this method comes from the fact that it's what most women want as well; they too are looking for a mate and want to know with as much certainty your particular level of interest.

The intent with the Tarzan and Jane analogy was to characterize the approach as simple and direct. If anything, in a childlike, rather than a crude and physically assertive, sense.

You have a point that everything is playing the odds to a degree, but I assert that such a basic approach takes it to an extreme. If you walk up to every woman you see and ask her if she'll sleep with you, you'll eventually get a Yes. May take a long time, but odds are that it will happen.

Originally Posted by XealotX

Exactly! And all without any special special training or stock techniques or polished routines.

I can't disagree with any of the statements made by Scorpio, but they don't paint an entire picture. You will also weed out women that would potentially be interested in you if you warmed 'em up a little before going straight for the date. I contend that you'd be excluding most of the pool of potential partners. And it works both ways. A 10 min chat is all you need to find out if you can even stand the girl.

I generally ignore advice on women from women, but the one thing that I hear over and over again which rings true is that they are attracted to a guy that shows a sincere interest in them and is not just on the make. The speaker on this video comes off as being just on the make.

On the topic of training, techniques and polished routines, I'm the first guy that will agree that none of that necessary, and could even be counterproductive. Sexual interaction with women, however, is a skill like anything else and it's valuable to know and practice a few basics. That I hope has come through in my other posts.

Originally Posted by Scorpio

I'm going ot test this mode one stuff at school. This will be fun.

Good. It will be interesting to see the results.

[XealotX]

Originally Posted by Dilbert

This may simply be a matter of what you call smalltalk.

That occurred to me but I think the definition of smalltalk alluded to by Currie was that of insubstantial fluff banter that neither party is truly committed to and which serves as little more than a pretext for engaging or maintaining contact.

Originally Posted by Dilbert

I generally ignore advice on women from women, but the one thing that I hear over and over again which rings true is that they are attracted to a guy that shows a sincere interest in them and is not just on the make. The speaker on this video comes off as being just on the make.

I don't know what you mean by "on the make" but being honest ad direct about wanting to have sex with a woman with the implied possibility of more is more than enough sincerity and I think most women will agree with that. It therefore seems to me that these women in question might actually be confirming Currie more than anything else.

Originally Posted by Dilbert

You will also weed out women that would potentially be interested in you if you warmed 'em up a little before going straight for the date.

Dude, no... just no...

NEVER succumb to the "Maybe If." This is literally the beating heart of the IW mindset. Think about it.

Value yourself, bro.

[Maze]

Good stuff. Of course it's hard for guys to understand the psychology behind being direct about one's sexual intentions. It's a kind of "gota see it to believe it" thing. Most guys simply don't have the confidence in themselves to pull this off. Giving them this advice (good as it is) probably won't snap them out of the approval seeking mind-frame.

I also find that allot of men don't actually know what they want. They don't have a plan. They don't have preferences. They are running blind without knowing the next step.

Pussy Gnome way of doing business:
Step 1) Get her to like me
Step 2) ???
Step 3) Sex

Small talk isn't really an issue here; rather it's the idea of trying to be accepted by the woman which leads to inane conversations. The opposite can be true: guys who try too hard in order to gain approval from a girl.

Thanks X.

[Scorpio]

Originally Posted by Maze

Good stuff. Of course it's hard for guys to understand the psychology behind being direct about one's sexual intentions. It's a kind of "gota see it to believe it" thing. Most guys simply don't have the confidence in themselves to pull this off. Giving them this advice (good as it is) probably won't snap them out of the approval seeking mind-frame.

I actually lost a potential girl yesterday by not doing that.

[Paulybobs]

Thanks X, it's on amazon uk so I'll probably end up giving it a read.