t1k - Introductory Post - quite long

t1k · 12-26-2007, 03:25 PM

Hi all - i'm a 30 year old guy from the U.K. I know i'm probably a bit older than most of the posters here, but i've found a lot of the material and posts on here helpful.

I thought i'd post a bit about my 'journey' through life this year - i've been working on improving myself and have been reading the forums on and off for a while now. Apologies for length, but it's up to you whether you read it or not (and the girls have never complained

).

My Story:
I've never been especially successful with women, I didn't have any girlfriends at high school, lost my virginity when I was about 20, had a few one night stands, very short relationships etc before getting into a LTR which lasted about four and a half years. I think my lack of success especially in my earlier years was mainly due to a lack of self-confidence, feeling insecure around people I didn't know, worrying about whether people would like me or not etc. My self-confidence grew a bit after I left school, did a little bit of travelling and started working full-time but the sexual relationships were still fairly few and far between - at the age of 30 I think I have had sex with about 12 different women - all of these except one were very short lived relationships (the majority one-night stands).

I split up with my LTGF in jan/feb this year - mainly because she wanted to settle down, have kids etc and I didn't - I felt like my heart wasn't 100% into the idea and I would have been selling out on myself - basically I felt I had a lot more living to do before settling down permanently - after feeling sorry for myself for a couple of weeks, I decided I should give myself a kick up the arse and start trying to improve myself, my relationships and general well-being and self confidence.

It was around this time that I started to look at forums like this - some of the material by David D and generally giving more thought to the kind of man I wanted to be/become. I was overweight when I became single again (so was my g/f - too many takeaways and a sedintary lifestyle will do that!) and this was one area I wanted to work on first, I started running during the summer - eating better, cut out the takeaways etc and from the begining of the year i've probably lost about 2 stones. I'm 6'4" so pretty tall (top 5th percentile) and I think i've gone from about 14/15 stone to around 12 stone (my BMI was probably just under 25 and is now just over 20). I definitely look better for it - one thing I regret is not taking proper weight/height/BMI measurements when i decided to lose weight but believe me the improvement is noticeable (I have taken proper measurements today).

As I started to reach my target weight a few months ago I did less running and more work at the gym, I've bulked up (very) slightly and started to notice muscles in places I had never noticed them before - my arms and abs especially (I suspect it is mainly just noticeable to me though). I also invested in some new clothes and cut down on the alcohol intake and amount of weed I smoked, started doing more constuctive things with my time etc. I still have a long way to go to get to where I want to be, but am happy with the progress I have made this year. One area I especially need to work on is being more funny/relaxed/cocky and generaly a good laugh to be around, I have made progress in this area, but it still needs work.

My plans for the new year are to stop smoking, start a more intensive gym routine - will aim to hit the gym 3 times a week, mainly working on compound exercises (which I have been neglecting so far) and will try to stick to a well-balanced diet. I'm considering boxing or kickboxing lessons as well - but may leave this for a few months. I have also been working on my 'inner game' - for me this is mainly a case of re-adjusting my mental attitude from being a bit of a 'wussy' and trying to please people all the time to being much more self- confident, less worried about what others think of me and being true to myself. I plan to quit the job I have been doing for 7 years now and apply for better paying more rewarding work, I think the only reason I haven't done this so far is a lack of motivation - it's too easy to stay treading water where you are through convienience.

I don't place a very high importance on having a large number of different sexual partners (I would probably prefer to have a smaller number of satisying ones), but having said that - I do enjoy shagging and would like to have many more satisfying sexual relationships in the future. This year I have had sex with 3 women (not including ex) - one was a one-night stand, one was a flatmate that I had a few 'experiences' with - but was unsuitable due to various complexities, the third was a girl 10 years younger than me that I met a couple of months ago - we saw a lot of each other for about a month or so, then she didn't contact me for a while and I started to wonder why.

I went back and looked at these forums (I stupidly had abandoned the self-impovement while I was 'getting some'). The answer was obvious - I had one-itis, was acting like a wussy (paying for drinks, dinner, telling her how much I liked her and missed seeing her etc.). Even despite what I had learned while I was single, it was all too easy to slip back into old habits (I think I genuinely thought women would like this kind of behaviour - wrong). I realised what I had to do - I stopped texting her, responded to any of her contacts in a friendly, jokey, non-needy way. After a couple of weeks went past she started texting me more often, then asked if I wanted to meet for a drink. I just met her earlier today and after buying the first drink, I waited for her to get the next round in, had pretty good chat with her, had a relaxed and confident attitude and told her I would wait for her to contact me since I knew she was a busy girl. I have no idea where things will go with this particular girl (most likely nowhere), but I'm not worried about it since I know we are not long-term compatible.

That's about all I have to say at the moment, when I think back over the past year, it has probably been the most positive year of my life so far - i'm also looking forward to things getting more and more positive over the next year. If i'm honest I dont know if I would be happier in a LTR with the right woman, or just staying single and shagging around, but I guess only time will tell. I have decided that I have no interest in marriage/kids now or in the forseeable future. One thing I have realised is that the more women I meet, the more likely I am to meet someone who is suitable for me, i've also realised just recently that I don't have to invest myself completely in every new woman I meet (and that it is a bad idea to do so). I've never been in a situation where I am dating more than one woman at a time, but I think maybe I should try this over the next year. I've also realised that internet forums are all very well, but nothing beats a bit of real-life experience, I probably learned more from my interactions with this most recent woman than all the dating advice i've read on the internet put together (but they do compliment each other - sometimes things don't seem real and hit home until you have seen them working in practice).

I'm not particularly looking for advice - I think I know what I need to do and how to go about doing it, but any comments/questions etc are welcome. I was going to ask you to be nice, but then I realised that I don't care, none of you know who I am, I will most likely never meet any of you - so be nice or don't it doesn't matter to me, just thought I would share my story - mainly for my own benefit - sometimes it helps to write things down - and it also helps me to evaluate where i'm at better. Cheers! T.

P.S. - I forgot to add a thanks to all the posters who keep posting 'next' in response to the various stories - I hate admit it but your always right, if you need to post here in relation to a specific girl, then 'next' is def the best advice!

Dalton Campbell · 12-26-2007, 04:43 PM

that's cool and stuff. Gratz.

t1k · 12-26-2007, 05:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by t1k

at the age of 30 I think I have had sex with about 12 different women

* (I just tried to write down all their names and came up with 10, i don't know whether i'm forgetful or a fantasist, but i'm not including blow-jobs which would bring the total to 12 if i wrote them down!). T.

MTS91 · 12-28-2007, 12:38 PM

cool story, but not overall exciting. Well done on getting past your IWness and all that.

NCL · 12-28-2007, 04:01 PM

OP, I know exactly where you are coming from, your story has certain parallels with mine. Seems we're heading in the same direction as well. Keep it up, man.

t1k · 12-28-2007, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MTS91

cool story, but not overall exciting. Well done on getting past your IWness and all that.

Yeah - thanks - it wasn't supposed to be an exciting story, maybe i should work on my storytelling a bit, but it's just what has happened to me, i'm glad that i seem to have gotten over my IWness too! Cheers!

P.S. Was out for a few drinks tonight, there was about 7 guys and one chick from switzerland - had a good chat with the guys - and also with the chick, i think she kinda dug me (at one point i thougth she was using kino on me) and i gave her a kiss goodnight (none of the other guys did) - took this as an indication i'm relating better with women than i did previously.

12-26-2007, 03:25 PM	#1
t1k Junior Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: U.K. Posts: 3 Rep: 10	t1k - Introductory Post - quite long Hi all - i'm a 30 year old guy from the U.K. I know i'm probably a bit older than most of the posters here, but i've found a lot of the material and posts on here helpful. I thought i'd post a bit about my 'journey' through life this year - i've been working on improving myself and have been reading the forums on and off for a while now. Apologies for length, but it's up to you whether you read it or not (and the girls have never complained ). My Story: I've never been especially successful with women, I didn't have any girlfriends at high school, lost my virginity when I was about 20, had a few one night stands, very short relationships etc before getting into a LTR which lasted about four and a half years. I think my lack of success especially in my earlier years was mainly due to a lack of self-confidence, feeling insecure around people I didn't know, worrying about whether people would like me or not etc. My self-confidence grew a bit after I left school, did a little bit of travelling and started working full-time but the sexual relationships were still fairly few and far between - at the age of 30 I think I have had sex with about 12 different women - all of these except one were very short lived relationships (the majority one-night stands). I split up with my LTGF in jan/feb this year - mainly because she wanted to settle down, have kids etc and I didn't - I felt like my heart wasn't 100% into the idea and I would have been selling out on myself - basically I felt I had a lot more living to do before settling down permanently - after feeling sorry for myself for a couple of weeks, I decided I should give myself a kick up the arse and start trying to improve myself, my relationships and general well-being and self confidence. It was around this time that I started to look at forums like this - some of the material by David D and generally giving more thought to the kind of man I wanted to be/become. I was overweight when I became single again (so was my g/f - too many takeaways and a sedintary lifestyle will do that!) and this was one area I wanted to work on first, I started running during the summer - eating better, cut out the takeaways etc and from the begining of the year i've probably lost about 2 stones. I'm 6'4" so pretty tall (top 5th percentile) and I think i've gone from about 14/15 stone to around 12 stone (my BMI was probably just under 25 and is now just over 20). I definitely look better for it - one thing I regret is not taking proper weight/height/BMI measurements when i decided to lose weight but believe me the improvement is noticeable (I have taken proper measurements today). As I started to reach my target weight a few months ago I did less running and more work at the gym, I've bulked up (very) slightly and started to notice muscles in places I had never noticed them before - my arms and abs especially (I suspect it is mainly just noticeable to me though). I also invested in some new clothes and cut down on the alcohol intake and amount of weed I smoked, started doing more constuctive things with my time etc. I still have a long way to go to get to where I want to be, but am happy with the progress I have made this year. One area I especially need to work on is being more funny/relaxed/cocky and generaly a good laugh to be around, I have made progress in this area, but it still needs work. My plans for the new year are to stop smoking, start a more intensive gym routine - will aim to hit the gym 3 times a week, mainly working on compound exercises (which I have been neglecting so far) and will try to stick to a well-balanced diet. I'm considering boxing or kickboxing lessons as well - but may leave this for a few months. I have also been working on my 'inner game' - for me this is mainly a case of re-adjusting my mental attitude from being a bit of a 'wussy' and trying to please people all the time to being much more self- confident, less worried about what others think of me and being true to myself. I plan to quit the job I have been doing for 7 years now and apply for better paying more rewarding work, I think the only reason I haven't done this so far is a lack of motivation - it's too easy to stay treading water where you are through convienience. I don't place a very high importance on having a large number of different sexual partners (I would probably prefer to have a smaller number of satisying ones), but having said that - I do enjoy shagging and would like to have many more satisfying sexual relationships in the future. This year I have had sex with 3 women (not including ex) - one was a one-night stand, one was a flatmate that I had a few 'experiences' with - but was unsuitable due to various complexities, the third was a girl 10 years younger than me that I met a couple of months ago - we saw a lot of each other for about a month or so, then she didn't contact me for a while and I started to wonder why. I went back and looked at these forums (I stupidly had abandoned the self-impovement while I was 'getting some'). The answer was obvious - I had one-itis, was acting like a wussy (paying for drinks, dinner, telling her how much I liked her and missed seeing her etc.). Even despite what I had learned while I was single, it was all too easy to slip back into old habits (I think I genuinely thought women would like this kind of behaviour - wrong). I realised what I had to do - I stopped texting her, responded to any of her contacts in a friendly, jokey, non-needy way. After a couple of weeks went past she started texting me more often, then asked if I wanted to meet for a drink. I just met her earlier today and after buying the first drink, I waited for her to get the next round in, had pretty good chat with her, had a relaxed and confident attitude and told her I would wait for her to contact me since I knew she was a busy girl. I have no idea where things will go with this particular girl (most likely nowhere), but I'm not worried about it since I know we are not long-term compatible. That's about all I have to say at the moment, when I think back over the past year, it has probably been the most positive year of my life so far - i'm also looking forward to things getting more and more positive over the next year. If i'm honest I dont know if I would be happier in a LTR with the right woman, or just staying single and shagging around, but I guess only time will tell. I have decided that I have no interest in marriage/kids now or in the forseeable future. One thing I have realised is that the more women I meet, the more likely I am to meet someone who is suitable for me, i've also realised just recently that I don't have to invest myself completely in every new woman I meet (and that it is a bad idea to do so). I've never been in a situation where I am dating more than one woman at a time, but I think maybe I should try this over the next year. I've also realised that internet forums are all very well, but nothing beats a bit of real-life experience, I probably learned more from my interactions with this most recent woman than all the dating advice i've read on the internet put together (but they do compliment each other - sometimes things don't seem real and hit home until you have seen them working in practice). I'm not particularly looking for advice - I think I know what I need to do and how to go about doing it, but any comments/questions etc are welcome. I was going to ask you to be nice, but then I realised that I don't care, none of you know who I am, I will most likely never meet any of you - so be nice or don't it doesn't matter to me, just thought I would share my story - mainly for my own benefit - sometimes it helps to write things down - and it also helps me to evaluate where i'm at better. Cheers! T. P.S. - I forgot to add a thanks to all the posters who keep posting 'next' in response to the various stories - I hate admit it but your always right, if you need to post here in relation to a specific girl, then 'next' is def the best advice! Last edited by t1k : 12-26-2007 at 04:58 PM. Reason: Thanks to whoever moved this to the correct forum! and I added a P.S.!

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12-26-2007, 04:43 PM	#2
Dalton Campbell Deserve victory Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 130 Rep: 23	that's cool and stuff. Gratz.

12-28-2007, 12:38 PM	#4
MTS91 Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 579 Rep: 24	cool story, but not overall exciting. Well done on getting past your IWness and all that.

12-28-2007, 04:01 PM	#5
NCL Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: in the state-private network Posts: 255 Rep: 39	OP, I know exactly where you are coming from, your story has certain parallels with mine. Seems we're heading in the same direction as well. Keep it up, man.